Learning to Live Again
by Bite16
Summary: Keller learns the consiquences of trusting Schiilinger to keep his word. B/K


Learning to live again

By Bite16

Beecher\Keller

NC-17

Toby winced as he rolled onto his side, his whole body ached. _He remembered the way Schillinger had grinned him earlier in the cafeteria, he had no chance of avoiding it. Not like it mattered anyway, his brother and mother had taken custody of his children. They moved far away and he had been told not to contact them. It hurt to be disowned and now the one person, no matter how much they argue, had always protected him, had always been there, wasn't. He could die now and he'd be happy. His family was gone, completely gone, so was Chris, even Ryan was not too much help since Cyril's death. Sister Pete tried to help, but she couldn't understand what he was going through. Without his family without...without... Chris, he had nothing left to live for, no reason to fight._

**************

Toby groaned as a sudden bright light hit his face and he closed his eyes tight not wanting to be found, just wanting to die. He didn't want to have to live through this pain and humiliation.

"SHIT!!" Alvaraz snarled. "O'Reilly, go get Dr. Nathan and Murphy!" He yelled to O'Riely as he came behind Alvaraz.

"What? Beecher, Shit Man! Alvaraz the he'll feel safer with me!" O'Reilly said falling to his knees beside Beecher.

"K." Alvarez said as he ran out the door and right into Keller. He moved around the large man in motion to the closet, then took off running to get help. Not wanting to deal with what he knew would be a very pissed off Keller.

Toby opened his eyes when he felt himself being lifted. He could see O'Reilly kneeling beside him, but when he looked up, he was shocked to see Chris's enraged face as he cradled him to his chest. It was then that his exhausted mind register the fact that there was a conversation going on around him.

"I told you Schillinger would go back on his word, again! Fuck! Chris, I told you not to trust him!" O'Reilly said softly but angrily, glaring at his childhood friend.

"I know, I know! Ryan, you don't have to remind me!" Chris growled, but couldn't meet Ryan's eyes. Yelling and running made Toby jerk, which sent more pain to his tired brain.

"Shhh, Tobe, it's just Murphy, Toby it's just Murphy. Oh, Toby, I... I'm so sorry. He wasn't supposed to touch you, he was supposed to leave you alone. I don't care if you're mad at me, I'm never leaving you alone. Toby, not again, never again, no matter how hard you fight me! You're Mine!" Chris said softly ignoring Murphy's questions as he tried to calm his scared, injured lover. He didn't see Dr. Nathan, until she stuck him with a needle. He felt Toby being taken away from him, but he couldn't do anything to stop them.

************

"Toby!" Chris woke up with a jolt. His eyes wide open and searching his surroundings.

"Chris, Toby's beside you." Ryan said smirking at his friend's reaction. They had been close friends long before all is. It just wasn't smart to let the assholes around here know that. It made them vulnerable, that's why he hadn't even told Toby about his relationship with Chris, until now.

"What happened? Why am I in the hospital?" Chris asked, looking at his friend.

"You wouldn't let go of Beecher. Dr. Nathan didn't really have a choice but to drug you. Beecher was losing too much blood for her to wait for you to calm down." O'Reilly says he watched Chris studied Beecher. "He'll be okay, but..."

"But what?" Chris demanded turning his gaze from Toby to Ryan, who was looking down.

"Dr. Nathan, thinks he's suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Originally they put you in your cell, but every time an Aryan or biker came around it would send him into a panic attack. When they brought you here, even with you asleep, just you presence calmed him down. She says it can be treated, but it will take time and he may never be the same." Ryan said looking up into his friend's eyes trying to judge his reaction.

Dr. Nathan smiled when she saw Chris was awake she walked over and slowly undid his hands from the bed to allow him to go to his boyfriend.

"Chris, be gentle and easy with him." She said as she watched Chris moved to Toby side. When he touched Toby's hand, Toby's eyes shot open, filled with panic.

"Shhh, Tobe, it's only me." Chris said softly and calmly. Toby looked at Chris, which seemed to slowly calm him down.

"Ch… Chris?" Toby mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah, I'm here. Rest, I'm not leaving your side." Chris said softly. Toby nodded and closed his eyes. Chris let him clutched his hand, he had no intention of leaving him.

Out of earshot McManus spoke with Dr. Nathan and Warden Querns.

"Gloria, why is Keller here?" McManus asked irritably.

"Toby is suffering from P. T. S. D, you need to move Chris back to Emcity." She explained.

"He tried to..." McManus starred as he glared at Keller.

"I know, but I don't want to put Toby in the psych ward. He needs Chris, he's not stable without him." She said trying to calm Tim's nerves.

"What's P. T. S. D.? Querns asked.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, probably brought on by the gang rape." She said sadly.

Querns looked at Beecher then turned McManus.

"Move Keller back. The Beecher law firm is already threatening to sue us for the death of Harrison Beecher and this will probably give them more incentive." Querns snapped. "When can he be moved back to Emcity" Querns asked softening his voice when he spoke to Gloria.

"While he's asleep is best, but the pod will need to stay locked for a few days, so we can slowly adjust to Emcity and yes, Tim, Chris is required to be there. Toby's mine is shattered, he sees Chris as safety, he needs him to stay sane."

"Fine" McManus said softly, he didn't really want to argue, he wanted what was best for Beecher and Murphy would be happy, now Keller could keep track of Beecher and not him. Dr. Nathan smiled and went over to tell Chris.

"I'm not leaving him!" Chris said not looking at her as she touched his shoulder.

"You need to get your things from Unit B." McManus said, as Keller glared at him.

"I'll get it!" O'Reilly said to keep his friend calm. Chris nodded to Ryan and went back to watching Toby sleep.

"Chris, can you lift him, so we can take them back to Emcity. McManus is going to lock you two in for a few days so Toby can adjust."

"Ya, I can lift him." Chris said as he watched Alvaraz remove the I.V. and other medical devices from Toby. "What about the blood loss?"

"He's fine, just keep it in bed for a few days." Dr. Nathan said.

"K" Chris said as he lifted his sleeping lover into his arms.

"Keller, I don't care what you to do, just no fighting!" Quarens said.

Keller nodded to Quarens and carry Toby out of the hospital wing.

***************

_Damn everything hurts! It was like his entire body was on fire._

"Tobe" Chris said from the sink. "Stay still, I know you're still hurtin'."

"Chris?" Toby said with a wince. No, no, McManus_ wouldn't!_ _How could you put him in here, oh God, help me!!_

"Why are you here?" Toby asked trying to keep the fear out of his voice. Chris looked at him for seconds before answering.

"Alvaraz found you, he yelled for O'Reilly and I was with him. So I wasn't far behind. When I saw Alvaraz run to find Murphy and he pushed me toward the closet."

"You were there?" Toby asked puzzled as Chris pulled the chair by the bed.

"Yeah, I cradled you in my arms. They had to drug me to get you to the hospital wing." Chris said before kissing Toby on the lips, Toby pulled back quickly. "I wouldn't let them take you from me." Toby turned his face away not wanting to be kissed again, dumbass backstabber.

"You're working with that stupid bastard. Did he tell you what he was up to!" Toby snarled still not wanting to believe what O'Reilly had told him earlier.

"No! Toby! Toby, look at me!" Chris said gently turning Toby's bruised face to look at him. "I had nothing to do with this, Tobe, I was trying to protect you from him. I stayed with that Nazi bastard, so I would know what he was up to or at least I thought I was keeping up with things. Oh, Toby, I'm sorry I didn't do a better job." Chris says as he looked down at the floor.

Toby stared at him for a moment a funny thing he heard from O'Reilly, while Chris had slept in the infirmary, was that Chris had broke his arms to save his life. O'Reilly told him that Chris had tried to buy him from Schillinger, but the stupid Nazi fuck had gone back on his word. He humiliated Chris in front of the entire brotherhood, then he didn't give Toby to Chris. O'Reilly said Chris paced every night that he was in the hospital, that he loved him and he had never seen Chris love someone so much. This had made him realize that Chris had set him up because he was jealous of Marion. He thought the only way to keep her from stealing his boyfriend was to get him back where he could watch and care for him. Of course he was still mad at him but he wasn't pissed like he used to be. Now he understood a little better at how Chris's mind worked. Toby looked at his miserable lover and gave in.

"Hold me" Toby said softly. Chris looked at him puzzled for a sec but got up and kicked off his shoes. He wasn't going to give up this chance, even if Toby was drugged.

"Help me move, so you can get in." Toby said softly.

Chris lifted and scooted Toby as gently as he could. When Chris was lying next to him he laid his head down on Chris's chest. Chris wrapped his arms around him. Toby sighed.

"You're still in the doghouse, but I... I forgive you. Please don't do anything this stupid again." Toby said sleepily.

"Toby..." Chris said softly.

"I... I love you, Chris but ripping me away from my kids, hurt. They..."

"Shhh... Toby, you need to sleep. This can wait, sleep, Tobe." Chris said softly knowing this conversation could wait and it would.

Lights Out


End file.
